Embarking

I could give you reasons I've been gone so long.

 

Except that would be stupid.

 

Cheesy as it sounds, one of my resolutions in the New Year is to reestablish myself on this blog. To do that, however, I have to convince myself I have things to say.

I do, of course I do. I think. I also have to learn to ignore “Hey Mom. Hey Mom. Mom. Hey Mom.”

Anyway, a new year. 2014.

I can't even believe that's real. I'm looking forward to the things the new year can bring, all the promise and fresh starts. I'm sure I'll be over it soon, but for now it's fun to be so full of promise.

 

Who thought up New Year's Resolutions? What sick sadist (is it sadist? Masochist? Whichever of the whips and chains likes to dole out the pain) thought it up? And why do we do it?

I accomplished some stuff in 2013. I started a new job. I gained some weight which is not so much an accomplishment as just a fact. I started watching Doctor Who and Sherlock. I finished another semester of school and now there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I love you. I promise not to suck so much this year.

 

 

Random things I contemplated putting in this post but didn't:

The Simpsons is the best show in the history of animation.

Wine is unbelievable.

I've started getting zits. Like hardcore acne. What the fuck?

I got the Depo Provera shot in August (I think) and please for the love of all that is holy please never do that to yourself.

Josh now has a whole building for the podcast. He's well on his way to being very hotshot and official.

See you soon.

 

Almost Christmas Confessions

This is hard to write. Hard to admit, I guess.

In the grand scheme of things – all the horribleness that has assaulted the innocent in the past week – it’s nothing. Less than nothing, and for that I am so grateful. I forget (on a daily basis) how lucky I am.

Still.

Selfishly, self-centeredly, I don’t want to admit this. I feel like by being honest and putting this out there that I am inviting disappointment. All of those who have said they were so proud of me, all of those who have told me I was doing the right thing, I feel like this is just a great big middle finger to that.

I got my grades yesterday.

I failed a class.

The rest of them I passed, and that’s about it.

I am not used to this.

Last semester I was on the Dean’s List. I was so proud of myself.

And now, this.

The class wasn’t hard. It just required effort. And the hard truth of the matter is that I didn’t give it the effort.

It was my first semester working and doing school, and I thought it would be cake. School, work, kids. No problem.

I was so cocky, and now because this is my own fault I feel like I’m not even really allowed to be upset over it.

I may never finish school. And it’ll be my own fault.

Things I’ve learned by returning to work

If I were to be honest, I would say that I didn’t really expect much to have changed when I reentered the work force a couple of weeks ago.

And in saying that, I would be wrong. So very, very wrong.

Therefore, in list fashion, I submit to you things that returning to work has taught me:

  • I have really lost all of my fashion sense. Today I am wearing a black shirt and black pants and have really no discernible body shape (aside from “round”). Josh poked fun at my outfit this morning, asking me if I was working backstage on some production he wasn’t aware of…when the real answer is that I just picked up the first thing I saw in the clean clothes area this morning. I wanted to be comfortable…but I have fallen kind of far from that as well. I’m just glad I can wear jeans tomorrow.
  • People are, truly, just as odd as I’ve always remembered.
  • Makeup is actually kind of fun. Seriously it’s kind of like dressup everyday.
  • People look in windows as they pass by them. Without fail.
  • Adele really is perfect.
  • People with unlocked wifi are gracious angels from heaven.
  • There is something to be said for working in the heart of the town you’ve known for always.
  • There’s also something to be said for working alongside people you like.
  • It’s difficult to rearrange your life when you’ve become accustomed to one way. Even if the new way is better.

So there you have it.

Things have been happening. My big sister moved away, and that’s been….weird. I haven’t been able to run much (read = at all) because I am a great big pansy about the heat and about sleeping as long as I can.

So the upshot of it all is that while I need to rethink my wardrobe decisions, I really think I’m going to like the way things are these days.

Working stiff

It’s been two years, but it happened.

I went back to work.

Today was my first day, and I’m pretty sure once I’m not all derpy clueless and stumbly annoying, I’ll like it a great deal.

Lucy left this morning with Josh, waving goodbye like it was the greatest day in the world.

Did I cry? I didn’t. Not really. But I did catch myself wondering throughout the day if she was laughing. Or crying. Or being a bossy sass pants.
The other two never needed me as much as she always has. Or maybe it’s the other way around.

In other news, why do I even own shoes with strangely heighted heels? Tallish I’m good with. Flat – even better. But weird in between height? All of the pain.