A Thursday nothing.

Is it just me, or is anyone else having a really slow go of things this week? Normally the week always gets a little draggy, but this week I woke up on Tuesday convinced that it was Friday.

Yeah, it’s been that kind of week.

The big kids are finishing up with the school year, and they’re spending the week with Dan, which means I have basically spent most of my recent evenings alternating between watching Sofia the First with Lucy and trying to convince myself that I haven’t in fact forgotten my two oldest children in a store somewhere.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only person who has such stagnanty stretches of time. I feel like I’m treading water for no real reason. Waiting for something to happen.

I’m probably still becoming accustomed to not having 1590 assignments to stress about.

Also, for the past six months I have maintained a constant cystic pimple. Like not the same one, but I will get one and when it goes away another one comes up.

Not sure what that’s about.

A change of pace then

Another thing in all the business of neglecting my blog that I did mention once but then quickly pretended to forget it existed РI changed jobs.

I have had lots of jobs in my adulthood. Well, I mean – I’ve worked places and moved on. I haven’t ever job hopped FUTURE EMPLOYERS WHO MIGHT BE READING MY BLOG, but for reasons of whatever time it was, I haven’t just kept one job for the last ten+ years.

I did insurance. I did retail. I worked for God and Jesus and a lovable British man. A cubehospital, attorneys.

I had a great job. I worked for great people and I loved my (only) coworker. Sometimes, though, there are chances you are given that are simply not negotiable. Things you KNOW you will look back on and always wonder if they would have changed your life for the better.

One of those chances wrapped itself around me almost exactly a year ago, and I jumped. I left a job with people I knew and adored at a job I didn’t suck at doing, and I took the chance.

It’s been over a year now.

I have a retirement plan, I have days of paid leave, I have insurance. I have what could qualify as a career, you know? People do jobs like mine for their whole lives.

And maybe I will. I just never thought I’d feel…well, so much like a grown up, if that makes sense. Kids and bills are one thing, but a desk, a cubicle, a time clock? It’s all a little too Dilbert for me, still.

Seventy times seven – for my husband

20130516-203207.jpg

Tomorrow is our anniversary.

Seven years ago, we cut out of Ava’s second birthday, we drove the silver Expedition to Selmer, and we got married.

I was nervous and I wasn’t. Looking back, I wish I’d worn something at least a little bit pretty as opposed to jeans and a potato sack of a blouse.

We arrived, we did our paperwork, and then a woman used her husband’s book (prayer book? Book of civil ceremonies? What exactly was it?) and we said our vows in an empty courtroom. I remember she got all choked up and I couldn’t help but wonder why. Was she overwhelmed by how sweet we were? How I didn’t have an engagement ring because we were broker than broke – but we had sweet engraved silver bands? I wonder where those are now. I wonder if, seven years later, that lady still works at the Selmer courthouse. I wonder if she teared up at every eloping couple she saw – and I know she saw a bunch.

Not much changed after that. We lived in the same apartment as before. We didn’t go on some big honeymoon getaway. But I was a wife. You were a husband. And somehow that changed everything.

It’s so easy to lose sight of what we had such a grip on that day.

So easy to say that we weren’t thinking of much besides how we wanted to join a church and they wouldn’t let us while we were living in sin.

Looking back from where we both stand now, the fact that church was a very real issue in our union is….kind of absurd.

But what was real then is no less real now. I love you. I love you even when I don’t like you. I love you enough to say that I’ve spent seven years being yours – and while I may have done a lot of things differently, while I may have taken different steps along the way, my best friend is eternally bound to me in one way or another.

I will never be sorry that you became my future. I will always be yours.

I love that we have grown over the years. Together, apart, together again. So many things have happened. Seizures and surgeries, jobs and houses. Failures and successes.

We’ve had so many roads to travel. You’re the best company I could have asked for.

We make mistakes and we take each other for granted. We do everything wrong.

But we’ll make it. We’ll be okay. We’ll be better than okay because that’s what we do.

Thank you for the past seven years. For our little girl. For being mine. For being what I always know is there.

I love you.

20130516-203545.jpg

Randomer and randomest

There are weird things about me, you know. I realize I present myself in a very pristine manner and I may seem totally put together, but I am totally deceptive like that.

So, randomly, here we go…

It makes me feel special and cuddly when someone new follows me on Twitter.

I haven’t run in a billion years.

I confirmed my schedule for next semester. Eeee.

On the subject of school, I applied for Spring 2013 graduation. That’s soon, you know.

Gordon Ramsay is a complete sellout. Complete.

That said, I adore him beyond all reason and will watch anything he does.

Yesterday we (well, Max) finally found Lucy’s left sneaker. This is a huge deal, since we have been looking for those shoes for at least a month and the child has instead been wearing sandals or rain boots. Every day. He found it behind the toilet in the bathroom that he and Ava share, which I really don’t even want to think about.

I am a new convert to the world of bananas and peanut butter. Seriously how have I never realized the wonder of this combination before?

I hope you all have a fantastic Monday. It’s a good day.

About work but not.

I’ve said that I went back to work fairly recently. I did.

I work for what seem to be lovely people, in an office with someone I genuinely get along with and enjoy being around.

This is a big part of what makes or breaks any job. And I have it made.

The other part of making or breaking is actually being able to do what you were hired to do.

I’ve never had a problem with that, you know? I’m a good worker. I learn (or I thought I learned) fairly quickly and I catch on with no problem. I’ve always considered myself smart and intuitive.

Don’t get me wrong – I have always required a learning window.

Maybe it’s because I’m in an field that I’d never really encountered before. Maybe it’s because it’s been years since I’ve worked for an employer. Maybe it’s just that I’m getting old.

Whatever it is, I am having the worst time learning the order and flow of things. I ask questions and I worry that I’m annoying and then I just keep to myself and I worry I’m being useless.

No win.

What would be perfect is if someone told me, step by step, everything to do. Every time. And then gave me a pop quiz. Then once I learned what was going on, they would need to step off and leave me alone.

I know it’ll get better. I know I’ll know what’s going on soon enough. I just hope no one kills me before that happens.

Things I’ve learned by returning to work

If I were to be honest, I would say that I didn’t really expect much to have changed when I reentered the work force a couple of weeks ago.

And in saying that, I would be wrong. So very, very wrong.

Therefore, in list fashion, I submit to you things that returning to work has taught me:

  • I have really lost all of my fashion sense. Today I am wearing a black shirt and black pants and have really no discernible body shape (aside from “round”). Josh poked fun at my outfit this morning, asking me if I was working backstage on some production he wasn’t aware of…when the real answer is that I just picked up the first thing I saw in the clean clothes area this morning. I wanted to be comfortable…but I have fallen kind of far from that as well. I’m just glad I can wear jeans tomorrow.
  • People are, truly, just as odd as I’ve always remembered.
  • Makeup is actually kind of fun. Seriously it’s kind of like dressup everyday.
  • People look in windows as they pass by them. Without fail.
  • Adele really is perfect.
  • People with unlocked wifi are gracious angels from heaven.
  • There is something to be said for working in the heart of the town you’ve known for always.
  • There’s also something to be said for working alongside people you like.
  • It’s difficult to rearrange your life when you’ve become accustomed to one way. Even if the new way is better.

So there you have it.

Things have been happening. My big sister moved away, and that’s been….weird. I haven’t been able to run much (read = at all) because I am a great big pansy about the heat and about sleeping as long as I can.

So the upshot of it all is that while I need to rethink my wardrobe decisions, I really think I’m going to like the way things are these days.

Working stiff

It’s been two years, but it happened.

I went back to work.

Today was my first day, and I’m pretty sure once I’m not all derpy clueless and stumbly annoying, I’ll like it a great deal.

Lucy left this morning with Josh, waving goodbye like it was the greatest day in the world.

Did I cry? I didn’t. Not really. But I did catch myself wondering throughout the day if she was laughing. Or crying. Or being a bossy sass pants.
The other two never needed me as much as she always has. Or maybe it’s the other way around.

In other news, why do I even own shoes with strangely heighted heels? Tallish I’m good with. Flat – even better. But weird in between height? All of the pain.