My first two-part series. Thanks, Netflix

This has been a weekend full of eating. It’s a good thing I didn’t make any resolutions to eat less or lose weight, because I would pretty much have already sabotaged myself.
We’ve been doing a good bit of Netflix-watching over the past couple of weeks. Saturday night we went to see our friends Marty and Erin in Tennessee, because Josh has this kickass beef that he’s started making and they had yet to eat any. So we went.

Whenever we go to Adamsville for dinner, Josh and Marty wait until we arrive to buy any of the preparations. We get there, we unload into the house, and the boys immediately leave to go get groceries for the meal.

And go to GameStop. And Taco Bell. And buy pies at the nearby gas station.

So Saturday night while the guys were gone, Erin and I decided to watch a movie (much to Lucy’s chagrin – she would be happy to watch the Birthday episode of Yo Gabba Gabba for the rest of her life).

Erin chose a documentary called Dive! which, in a nutshell, is about a bunch of people (and their families) in California who live primarily off the food they retrieve from dumpsters behind grocery stores.

I know, right? I think Erin chose it because she thought they were going to talk about dumpster diving for furniture or clothes or whatever – I know that’s what I thought.

But yea and verily, I was wrong. It was TOTALLY about food.

Initially I was grossed out. But then they showed the food they were retrieving…bread, meat, produce. All tossed out because of a cracked egg or a looming sell-by date. Stuff that was top-of-the-line shit…and perfectly fine. It just happened to have come out of the store by the back door, instead of a reusable shopping bag.

My snobbery started to wane when I realized that these people were eating organic, free-range, antibiotic free meats and veggies and most of the time I don’t even look at that stuff because it’s so expensive.

Then they started talking about the amount of waste the US produces and I felt like a greedy asshole.

Did you know that the US wastes 96 billion pounds of food a year? One year of our waste could feed the entire population of Haiti for like five years.

Yet, because we don’t share, and because everyone is so focused on profit, we still have hungry people in our country. That’s so bizarrely wrong on so many levels.

It’s sobering to be told things like that. Stuff we all know in the back of our mind and don’t really think about.

So while I won’t be scaling the dumpsters behind Kroger anytime soon (I totally would, by the way – but Josh said it was too close to the sheriff’s department and so he refuses to drive the getaway car), I am now actively searching for ways I can help do my part and reduce this terrible deficit between what we have and what we use – and what we need.

You can sign the online petition to Trader Joe’s here. It’s a start.

Tomorrow, I’m talking about catfish…kind of.

Maybe you shouldn’t read this at all.

*Disclaimer: this post turned out kind of gross. I didn’t mean for it to be that way, it just happened. The muse overcame me, or something. Proceed with caution.*

Last night, I watched the Seinfeld episode where Jerry spits mutton into Elaine’s cousin’s cloth napkins. They were heirlooms or something.

Anyway, whatever, I don’t want to talk about Seinfeld.

What I started thinking, though, was does anyone use stuff like that anymore? I mean, people without servants?

Not just napkins. Hankies, etc.

While I’m all for being green and reusing whatever you can – grocery bags and the like – I believe there are some lines that don’t need to be crossed. One of the message boards I used to frequent would often delight in discussing the latest and weirdest eco-friendly reusables.

Let’s see, there were Moon Cups that collected menstrual blood. The collected fluids were used as fertilizer, I think, and other things. It was RUMORED that one photo depicted a lady using it as lipstick, but I refuse to believe that. I have to maintain SOME sort of innocence. Moving on.

On that same line of thought, there were reusable menstrual pads and such. Tampons, too. YES, TAMPONS FOR REAL.

I forget what it was technically called, but basically one discussion was about people who had potty cloths or something…like, they’d do their business and then clean up with a piece of material which would later be laundered and reused. I think in the meantime the dirty cloths were kept in a jar beside the john. Yum.

Then, of course, there were the always admirable cloth diapering folks. I suppose if you think about it, the cloth diapers are pretty much the same as the aforementioned potty cloths, but they’re just not the same. Babies smell like powder and milk and have sweet little booties. Adults have hair and oldness. Just gross.

This is not what I intended to write about at all.

At a funeral years ago, I was given a hankie. Not as a special gift or anything, just because I was snotting all over everything and I didn’t have a Kleenex.

Ever since then, I’ve loved the idea of a handkerchief. It just seems so feminine and quaint, like corsets and headbands.

I’ve even tried to carry a handkerchief regularly, but I always lose them. Always.

When it comes to things like hankies and napkins, I like the idea of reusing. Even passing them down, making them into something special.

As for menstrual pads and bathroom business and whatever else those placenta eaters do, I am a fan of throwing that shit away.

Do you use real napkins? Hankies? Moon Cups?