Yesterday I finished up my midterms.

I had three in one night, which sounds insane. I realize. I did it that way for several reasons, but mostly because all the time slots were full at other times.

I spent yesterday studying. Or writing down all three study guides. Twice apiece. It’s how I do things.

During the course of my checking on past assignments to look over and review, I found an (unscheduled) exam that I quite clearly had not taken, since on the grades list there was a bigass zero. Zero. ZERO.

I’m already running short on those little pills I take for the crazy, and upon seeing that grade I could easily have downed a few horse tranquilizers and felt not much.

I emailed my instructor. Begged. Then refreshed my inbox every ten seconds waiting for a response.

After a minute and a half I had no response. The NERVE.

So I went to the staff directory on the school website, thinking maybe I could find a phone number or office hours. Her name didn’t come up. What?

I went to Google, the answer bank of the stars, and plugged in her name. In so doing, I found out that my instructor apparently lives in Chile.

Chile.

I tried to calm myself. Time zones and sheer geographic reality were heavy on my mind. I reasoned with myself that there was no need to freak out, because either she was going to let me take the test or she wasn’t – time really wasn’t even a factor.

I went to unload the dishwasher, but the dishes smelled like unwashed belly button so I ran them again. There went that distraction.

I went dutifully back to my studying, but I couldn’t concentrate so I decided to call the phone number on the class contact profile. I’d dismissed it earlier because I hate the phone and I wasn’t even sure it would go to my instructor, but these were desperate times.

I plugged in the numbers and waited.

“THE MAGIC JACK CUSTOMER CANNOT BE REACHED. PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER.”

What the hell, Universe? I miss an exam and my instructor has a Magic Jack phone in Chile? Do they not have AT&T?

AND WHY DOES SHE EVEN LIVE IN CHILE???

About five minutes later, I got an email saying sure, I could take the exam, the password was beach and good luck to me.

I’m pretty sure she was pissed. I don’t know what time it was in Chile but I’m thinking not tea time.