Sitting on go

I am unacquainted with standing by.

Apparently.

Since I have finished school, I've found myself at kind of a loss. For…well, anything.

I sit at home and listen to the alternate fighting and love of my children. I think of all the things I should be doing – laundry, writing, reading, cleaning. Making things to hang on the walls since they are all presently blank. Also, there is a strange conglomeration of 8-9 nails on the wall above my couch and I spend more time than I care to admit sitting and wondering what could have possibly ever hung there.

 

I've thought about grad school. But…what? What could I do? I'm thirty four damn years old and really I have no more idea of what I want to be when I grow up than I did when I was nine.

I thought about teaching. Praxis testing is expensive. And what happens if I do all that work and find myself in front of however many kids…and then I hate it?

Problem is, I got used to school. I got used to being occupied. I also have the fortune/misfortune of being married to a man who is always on the go, so many nights the kids and I find ourselves at home, existing through the night. I don't mind it, though. I have time to watch King of the Hill, talk about movies and games with Max, play 4,000 games of various substance with Lucy, or decipher Pretty Little Liars with Ava.

Then I think about what I'd want to do, given the chance.

I'd be creative, I'd have a different outlook on every day. I'd solve and make and do and be.

Or I'd be Beyoncé.

Anyway.

Enough. Enough with the thoughts.

 

A change of pace then

Another thing in all the business of neglecting my blog that I did mention once but then quickly pretended to forget it existed РI changed jobs.

I have had lots of jobs in my adulthood. Well, I mean – I’ve worked places and moved on. I haven’t ever job hopped FUTURE EMPLOYERS WHO MIGHT BE READING MY BLOG, but for reasons of whatever time it was, I haven’t just kept one job for the last ten+ years.

I did insurance. I did retail. I worked for God and Jesus and a lovable British man. A cubehospital, attorneys.

I had a great job. I worked for great people and I loved my (only) coworker. Sometimes, though, there are chances you are given that are simply not negotiable. Things you KNOW you will look back on and always wonder if they would have changed your life for the better.

One of those chances wrapped itself around me almost exactly a year ago, and I jumped. I left a job with people I knew and adored at a job I didn’t suck at doing, and I took the chance.

It’s been over a year now.

I have a retirement plan, I have days of paid leave, I have insurance. I have what could qualify as a career, you know? People do jobs like mine for their whole lives.

And maybe I will. I just never thought I’d feel…well, so much like a grown up, if that makes sense. Kids and bills are one thing, but a desk, a cubicle, a time clock? It’s all a little too Dilbert for me, still.