Ran schman

Yesterday I ran for the first time in seven weeks.

Seven, according to my Nike+ app.

Seven is a lot.

To be fair to myself, it was mostly justified. I had taken about a week off some weeks back when I fell off a sidewalk (don’t ask. Just don’t.) and landed squarely on my left anklebone. Seriously, it was a miracle I didn’t piledrive some bone into the pavement.

So that was my excuse for lo these many weeks.

But I realized over the last week how little I’ve been doing in the way of being active and going, and I was more than a little disgusted with myself. So I ran.

I ran a little over two miles, and I didn’t die. I even ran the majority of the time. I’d say it was a solid restart. And my ankle hurt not at all, so I think it’s safe to say it’s healed.

Anyway, that’s what’s happening here.

reasons I jump on any superfood, and my latest effort.

I have always, like most people probably, been intrigued by the concept of a superfood.

An elixir. Drink of life that (preferably) wasn’t virgin’s blood. Something that gave me energy and increased cup size while boosting my metabolism and slimming my waist.

I ask for so little, right?

Let’s see, what has it been in the past? All these things that have promised me everything my heart desires?

Green tea. Not bad.
Local honey. It’s just too messy to put into everything, but damn it’s good.
Olive oil.
Canola oil. No joke – it was supposed to lower my set point or something. Not that I remember. Or even know what a set point is. I just know I consistently drank shots of oil for at least a few weeks.
Coconut oil.
Cayenne pepper.
Fish oil.
Chia seeds.
White vinegar.
B vitamin complex. I even had some weird kind of sublingual solution.
Prenatal vitamins.

I could go on.

Recently I’ve started keeping a look out for miracle foods and pills again, because I’ve stacked on some significant weight. I thought I was just feeling bloated because I’d been slacking off the running, but during last week’s firepee extravaganza I had to break down and go to the doctor, where I met reality – the cold and ruthless bitch.

Turns out my “bloated” equaled about 25 pounds in less than six months. I was torn between tears and rage when I was on the scale.

Really, I had changed nothing. I have never been one to subsist on leafy greens or say no to a cupcake, but aside from a portion of my life where all I ate was chicken casserole with macaroni and cheese, I have never weighed this much. It’s no wonder all my clothes were/are miserably uncomfortable. Seriously – maternity pants. And my baby is two.

So of course, when I mentioned my weight gain to the nurse practitioner, I expected a lecture about exercise (duh) and eating right (duh). When I mentioned that I was on an antidepressant, though, I got none of that. Word up.

Turns out I’d never bothered to consult Dr. Google about my crazy pills, and they were most likely the weight gain culprits. I’ve since changed meds and have already dropped a few pounds (yeah – just since last week), but my weight dilemma has led me back to the superfood chase.

So now, I present to you my latest harbinger of youth and joy:


Apple cider vinegar.

It’s a bandwagon I’ve dabbled in before, with not really much result – mainly because the stuff is so vile that stomaching it day after day is terribly daunting.

But I’m doing it. I have no clue what to expect.

Global warming

If one more person asks me if it’s “hot enough for me,” I think I may dig out my own eyeballs with a spoon.

It’s true. In case you’ve ever wondered, people really do say shit like that. Stupid, silly clich├ęs that mean absolutely nothing. I never used to believe it, but it’s true.

And to be fair, I think that being from Mississippi means that I have more tolerance for heat than you. Why? Because humidity. You can be hailing from 6,000 degree pottery kiln sand covered Sahara, but have you ever been able to SEE the air move as you breathe because it’s so thick? Our heat is thermal gluey paste, and no matter what your issues are….humidity.

I ran the other day in just such heat. I have never been so close to dying. It got to this one stretch of road where corn rises up on either side, blocking breezes and emanating heat of life and hiding Malachi, and I was pretty much ready to hang things up. The only thing that kept me from just collapsing onto the blacktop was how much hotter it was than everything else. I even considered running as a method to make air blow into my face. Somehow that didn’t quite work out.

Speaking of running, I think I want to find a late-2013 marathon to do.

Also, here are some pretty pictures of waterfalls. These are just from my phone – josh has good ones from the camera that we may see…someday.