Reasons it doesn’t matter if no one ever reads this

This blog is a big deal to me. It always has been.

Only for the past year or so, though, have I attempted to care if it were a big deal to other people too.

It’s something about me I’m not fond of – this apparent need to be liked. I never thought I had that very much. I’ve found myself censoring more, saying less. Trying to appeal…and for what?

The pull of my blog has always been that it is mine. That when everything was reduced down to work and play and manifesting your dream, that I had something I had done for myself. Just for the pure craft. Except I wasn’t. I was writing hoping to be popular, hoping for someone to notice me.

There were all sorts of levels of bullshit surrounding that revelation. I was ashamed. I was embarrassed. I was not surprised.

Earlier this week, I found a document that brought me to sobering reality. The-Writers-Manifesto (that’s a pdf link, and if you download it you need to tell him how great he is). After reading it, I wanted to slap myself and write books at the same time.

So with much pain and heartbreak, I’ve come to the realization that it’s okay if no one reads what I write.

Why?

I’m not writing for anyone else.

I will have a record – a concrete one – of days, months, years. However meager it may seem, I am shaping my legacy on my own terms.

I can be honest. I don’t have to be afraid of offending anyone, because I’m not depending on them to read what I say. In itself, this is amazingly freeing.

Whether I move on with my ideas or simply do this and nothing else, it’s okay with me.

And by being myself, whatever happens, this piece of me exists. No one can pay for that.

 

One thought on “Reasons it doesn’t matter if no one ever reads this

  1. I haven’t read the manifesto. I’ll download it though.

    But to be truthful – I don’t believe a word of it when a writer claims he doesn’t care if people are reading his material or not. Writers write because they want people to read their stuff. And bloggers blog because they crave the interaction. There’s nothing wrong with wishing you had more readers. Nothing to be ashamed of. (IhopeIhopeIhope – because I always want crave need and desire readers, comments, love, admiration, envy, etc. but only mildly. Kind of.)

    I’ll be reading YOU though. And leaving comments. So watch out! I can be annoying sometimes.

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