Seriously, so angry.
I know little girls are oversensitive.
But you know what? I don’t care.
Ava is seven, which I realize is very young. Shallow and fanciful and still clinging to the idea of Cinderella in crystal slippers and a cinched waist ball gown with a willowy neck.
I remember being seven. While I knew I wasn’t stick thin and lanky like so many of the girls I knew, I still saw good when I looked at myself.
I also remember when my uncle mentioned I was getting fat. He told me I was too pretty for that and I needed to be a lady.
Ava came home yesterday like she always does. She was dressed in what happened to be the first Ava outfit of the school year – I’ve mentioned before how she puts together her outfits and damn them all, she looks fantastic.
She was showing me her papers, talking about homework and such. I looked up at her where she was standing beside me, and I reached up like I often do, brushing her hair back and telling her how pretty she was.
Except this time she didn’t smile, give me a kiss and saunter off. She looked at me and burst into tears.
“No, Mom, I’m not. I’m really not. I’m so ugly.”
This is so fucking unacceptable I cannot clearly put it into words.
I don’t know who said what or why my baby girl suddenly has been wrenched into this harsh and pathetic world of flimsy and fake.
But it pisses me off. How dare they? How dare anyone tarnish what was already destined to be a precious few short years where she could be comfortable and confident?
I’ve tried everything I know of to hammer into her head that she’s perfect. Lovely. Absolutely breathtaking. And of course I knew that eventually things would come to this.
But not now. Not yet. She’s just a baby, and look at her, would you? Look at her.
How – why – what the hell? Really? Is it too much to ask that she be allowed a few more years before being submitted to the absolute terror that is the world?
Ava, you are beautiful. Your eyes, your face. The way you smile and make me smile and the way I’m so proud you’re mine.
Everything about you.
I love you so much.
Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you are anything less than amazing.
If they do, I’ll kick their asses. All of them.