I don’t know how much any of you know about community theatre – and I know some of you know a lot – and while pretty much everyone has a place to be involved, the one thing it does take a lot of is time.
I’m no stranger to this. Community theatre has been a constant in my life for years. It came with the territory when Josh and I became an us, much like golf, Alabama football, and only pooping when I’m alone.
So Josh has been away with rehearsals and such, and the show went up this weekend. He was fantastic – they pretty much all were.
My thing is, I’m glad he’s having such fun. He’s made new friends and he’s doing what he loves. I would never, ever begrudge him something he loves so much, especially because I love seeing him so happy. And I know that feeling. I get the same feeling on a smaller scale just by writing every day and knowing one or two people read it.
Have I made my point sufficiently, that I’m glad he’s happy and doing what he’s so good at? I want to make it clear that I don’t want to take anything away from him.
But the last time I was this jealous, I was nine and my sister was getting her driver’s license.
I know it’s awful.
I know it’s childish.
I hate that I’m even admitting this.
I mean, it hasn’t been bad.
I’ve spent lots of time with the kids. Lucy’s saying real words now, and I can’t say I haven’t been having fun.
I’ve….made lots of things. I’ve watched lots of Yo Gabba Gabba.
I got to go watch Josh perform and I sat practically bursting with pride.
But it’s like he has this whole other life. One that I’m not a part of and that I’m not invited to.
And the nine year old inside me wants to scream and punch and keep him here with me so if I don’t have fun, no one does.
I know that’s not how it works. I know I would just be miserable if I made him miserable like that. And I would do nothing but resent him if he tried to corral me in that way.
I don’t need to be told to join a group, or go make some friends, or get a hobby.
I don’t want to do that. Can you not see I’m whining?
I know that one day the kids will grow and I will have free time again. I’ll miss these days of cartoons and board games and lots of mud.
I’ll look back and remember how proud of my thespian husband I am. It’ll all be worth it in the end.
But right now, I just need to be a brat.
I’ll be over it soon.
Art from nataliedee.com