On the eve of the Zombie Apocalypse

This is expected. I know.
I’m writing this in the sinking glare of Friday night, and according to various psychopathic religious halo wearing people, tomorrow – May 21 – the End will come.

Now, none of these people who are so attuned to the future have really said anything about zombies. However, for me they kind of go hand in hand. Rapture = Zombies, people. Get used to it.

Do I think the end is coming?

Not really.


The rising popularity of zombie lore in the recent culture kind of unnerves me, though. Why are they so popular if they absolutely cannot be real? I mean COME ON, PEOPLE. The CDC even took time to make a whole what-if-Zombie-Apocalypse website, and what the hell, everyone knows the CDC doesn’t have a sense of humor.

So there we go. It’s undeniable. Zombies est realo, amigos.

What does this mean?

This means if you’re reading this and you do NOT already have a canned goods stockpile? It’s too late for you. Sacrifice yourself. For the greater good. Think of the CHILDREN.

Just think. Think of the people who later today (today in the time frame of you reading this, not me writing it – damn it’s like time travel, and if that’s not a sign of the end then I don’t know what is) will be watching Jack Sparrow in his newest shenanigans, and the people who are raptured WON’T GET A REFUND, FOLKS.

I mean really though, how can people – some people, somewhere, those smart people who know things like how much the sun weighs – NOT know for sure if the world is ending and if we’re all about to fall prey to vicious undead?

In the event that we never speak again, farewell my loves. I have loved being part of your lives.

Now hide. Hide well. And find a sword.

As for me and my house, we will hide and watch. We have lots of peanut butter, and fish in the pond that we can probably get to before the zombies.

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